


Crawling Out of the Dark

by Merfilly



Series: Padawan Plight [13]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 15:05:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9277319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merfilly/pseuds/Merfilly
Summary: Barriss wakes up in the custody, or is it care, of Ahsoka.





	

Barriss knew two things as she came back to herself. One was that she was no longer in the cage, not with a soft mattress and pillow cradling her. The other was that she was not alone, even if the person was deliberately shielding their Force presence.

The strength of those shields told her who was most likely with her, and she absolutely did not want to open her eyes. She could not stand the judgment. Yes, she had sought those rebelling against the war, but her half-formed ideas had proven horrific once used by them. The terrorists had taken the scenarios she had plotted out to minimize loss of life, intending only to make a statement, and turned it to broader, more deadly purposes. 

"Barriss?"

The soft voice made her flinch, confirming she was conscious, and then there was a touch on her sleeve… the polite touch of respecting boundaries that had not existed in so long.

Ahsoka couldn't stand to touch her, then, and it was as bad as she feared.

"Ahsoka," she said evenly, opening her eyes… to find the younger Jedi sitting beside her, on the bed, wearing the minimum clothing that passed as proper for her. More, there was genuine worry in the blue eyes and too-still lekku, now that Barriss understood how to read them.

"I was beginning to worry I would need a healer for you," Ahsoka said softly. "Do you need one? I can get one if you want. Or Master Luminara, if you prefer her to be here. She thought, maybe, I'd be the better one for you to wake with. Did you know she knows about us? That she thinks it's normal? I was so surprised. But she asked me for my help, to find you and to be here for you. I don't know how long I can stay, because of the men, but—"

"Ahsoka?" Barriss broke into that, overwhelmed, because it sounded so much like Ahsoka had been… concerned. Maybe even her master had been.

"Yes, Barriss?"

"Aren't you angry?"

Ahsoka reared back, and her lekku were moving too fast for Barriss to interpret them. "No!" she said, fierce and strong, her hand reaching out, hesitating before touching, until Barriss moved, baring a cheek to that seeking hand. When Ahsoka cupped her palm around it, Barriss closed her eyes, tears beginning to seep out.

"You don't hate me, for losing faith? For letting people be killed?"

"Oh Barriss, I don't know all that you've been through, and even if you lost faith, who could blame you? But you didn't let anyone be killed; you were the prisoner of a powerful telepath, one who had been exiled by his own people for abusing his abilities. You could not have stopped him."

"But I had the ideas!"

"Ideas that were born out of nightmares crafted in the horrors you have faced! Ideas That I **know** you would not have acted on, not in that way!" Ahsoka said, before she pulled her hand back. Barriss's tearful eyes opened, fearing withdrawal, but Ahsoka was moving to lay beside her. Within moments, Barriss was being pulled into a strong embrace, her smaller (but not as much as she had been) lover consoling and comforting.

"Why are you taking care of me?" Barriss asked, small and pitiful even to her own ears, when the sobs that had erupted died down some.

"Because, even though I know the Code is against attachments, Barriss, I love you. As my friend, as more… and I can't leave you to your pain one second longer than I have to."

The words settled over Barriss with power, as part of her, the part that had tried to be the perfect padawan, rebelled, lashing out at the violation of the Code. The other part, the part that won, burrowed into the love that was offered, a tiny thought that maybe, if the Jedi were wrong about the war, they were also wrong about attachments.

+++

Luminara was the one watching Barriss sleep the next time she came fully conscious, and Barriss's skin darkened for her master having seen the reach and sudden look around for Ahsoka.

"Ahsoka had to return to her unit; there was a crisis that Skywalker's talents were needed for. He wanted to let her stay, but there really was a need for two Jedi to attend the matter, and no one else was available," Luminara told her. "I offered, but the skills needed were truly more in her range."

"I… did not mean to be unseemly, Master. That you indulged—"

"No, Barriss. Please do not fall behind propriety," Luminara told her, moving so that the back of her hand rested on the back of Barriss's. "You needed her presence. I am not judging you for that. I have… learned much, in my worry for you, in dealing with this war. I think, my padawan, you and I need more honesty, and to find a better level for our own relationship. You made such great strides, and then I allowed myself to become too busy to continue helping you."

"Master?" Barriss questioned, confused.

Luminara gave her a quiet, sad smile. "I am more than willing to admit my mistakes. Can you allow me to help you recover from this?"

Barriss slowly moved, swinging her legs out of the bed, then reaching for both of Luminara's hands as something inside her shifted. If both Ahsoka and Luminara felt like they did, perhaps she was not as great a lost cause as she had feared?

"Master, if I decide that I am not meant to be a Jedi, once I sort through all of this, will you forgive me, and promise not to take the blame?" she asked softly, once she was holding both hands.

"It will hurt to lose you as my padawan, I admit, but I do only wish you to be healthy and fulfilled, Barriss. If it comes to that… I will accept it," Luminara solemnly told her. "I pray the Force guides you to stay, though. To effect the changes you see as needed from within the Order."

Barriss's hands squeezed. "There will be much meditation needed, I think."


End file.
